Tax Love: 14 Ways a Tax Lawyer Says “I Love You”
February 13, 2012Posted by on
[This post is inspired by the link I previously shared on this blog. I am not attempting to outsmart economists, but it might conjure some dry laughter. Happy Valentine’s Day ]
Yes yes, I know, we’ve all been there: the frowning face of your significant other over the dullness of your personality and the dryness of your attempted humor; the shame/embarrassment he/she subconsciously shows when introducing you to his/her circle; and the worst kind: the every-now-and-then accidental omission of the word “tax” before the word “lawyer”.
This is life. Our life.
The natural or unnatural sensitivity of ours over numbers may have been nagging you, and you have no idea. You look up from piles of returns and codes and look around, finally have eyes lie on the calendar: oh dear, it is 02/14/2012.
It is not too late to rush to Tiffany’s and buy a pair of ear studs. But you are currently unemployed and only working as a tax preparer. Creativity or craftsmanship is not your strong forte (duh). Well, actually we can’t help either, in any substantial way at least.
But we are still lawyers. We can talk, somewhat. Here is some pillow talk for you. Hopefully it will defrost the frowning face. Some of them may be lame.
And thank you, RG and MP. May the respective relationships of yours are ever-existing like IRS, and be the third thing you can’t escape besides death and taxation.
Here we go.
14 Ways a Tax Lawyer Say “I Love You”.
1. I will never complain about taxes if IRS is owned by you.
2. Your existence in my life makes me think I am subject to the Buffet tax.
3. We shouldn’t file joint returns, because with you I only realize gains.
4. Our love will never depreciate, because it is a real asset to my life.
5. You checked my box on our LLC.
6. All the gain you bring to my life is capital — nothing ordinary about you.
7. I’ve just enacted a treaty between Me and You and I’m gonna withhold nothing.
8. When we’re accruing interest on our bond, you make me want to report everything!
9. I can’t determine your transfer price: there ain’t no internal comparables, there ain’t no external comparables… hell, there ain’t even anything functionally similar!
10. I will always be there as the counterparty in a swap for you, taking on variable, short, long … whatever position you want..
11. My love never comes in contingent periodic payments… there is nothing contingent.
12. You can merge with me anytime, because I’ll always have a continuing interest in you.
13. You showed up on my balance sheet and erased all my previous NOL in life.
14. You’ll need to report me to the IRS now, because there’s no risk of losing me.